I have been hiding something from my fiance that I don't know if he should know.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by MommyOf1, Jan 18, 2017.

  1. MommyOf1

    MommyOf1 Well-Known Member

    Hello,

    Here's a quick run down of how our relationship has progressed;
    We met on Match and instantly hit it off, he has one son from a previous relationship and I have one daughter from a previous relationship. He is my first real relationship ever. We've been together for two years and we got engaged this past November. Since our engagement, I keep thinking about the time he asked me how many people I've slept with. At that time, we were very early on in our relationship and I lied telling him a much smaller number than how many people I've actually slept with. At that point, I didn't want him to break up with me which is why I lied and I also felt like it was no one's business what I've done in my past just like it's not really my business what he's done in his past. He spent 13 years with one woman while I, spent MANY years as a single woman. Most of the time, I ran from relationships to avoid getting hurt again which is an issue that I've come to terms with. I am in my early 30's and he is too. We obviously came from different backgrounds and this is why I don't feel like either one of us should judge one another but I keep wondering if I keep this hidden from him will this destroy our relationship years down the road? I talked to my best friend about this and she told me not to tell him and she also thinks that I am way overthinking this whole situation which, I very well could be. The idea of marriage is a nice idea but it's scary because I know many people who ended up in nasty divorces and I do not want to end up another statistic over something like this. What are your opinions and am I wrong for worrying over this?
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    In my opinion... what happened in your past is your business and none of his. I'm sure he's never told you every bad thing he's done - not saying you have done bad, but you know what I mean I think. :)

    I'm delighted that you have found the one for you but his business is the present and future, I agree with your friend that you might be over thinking this, if ye're really in love and love each other, the past does not matter and shouldn't come into it,

    good luck :)
     
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  3. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    Count me in the "you're overthinking it" group. :)

    I don't think your future husband care much about it anyway. What does it change?
     
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  4. clareabella666

    clareabella666 Active Member

    If he's the one amd he loves you your past does not matter. If it ever did come out further down the line then just explain why you felt you had to lie. A loving caring person will understand that and it's not like you were together at that time. If he hadn't of been in a relationship previously for ao long then im sure his figures would be higher too. X
     
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  5. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hey there, I think the real question is, why did he ask this? Maybe you should have asked him at the time, if how many people you'd been with would make a difference to his feelings for you. I don't know, personally I believe what you did before you became a couple should be left in the past. But it seems to be bothering you, which may effect your relationship. Do you think he would change his mind if you told the truth? Good luck and hope everything turns out well.
     
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  6. walkerbait95

    walkerbait95 Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Soooo many people lie about this it's not even funny. You're over thinking. (Guys usually double their number while girls cut their number in half, for the record. Google it) There's no need for him to know exactly what you've been up to and from your description of him it sounds like he'll be holding it over your head and berating you about it until the eventual break up anyway. Bad news, keep it to yourself. He's got no real need to know.
    In the future, maybe avoid giving an exact digit. Find out the reason for the question and go from there without giving an exact number (least that's what I do).
     
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