I'd appreciate your thoughts

[Fighter86]

Just wondered what other people think... when you've gone through such heart-wrenching pain and overwhelming challenges in life for most of your life that you've wanted to end it and have planned to at various times, but didn't, and so you can feel a sense of strength that you've chosen to fight and not end it and have survived so far in what feels like an impossible life. So my question is...

Do you think it's wrong to feel that you've managed to not take your own life and chosen to keep fighting when you feel that perhaps others couldn't have survived the hell you've been through?

I'd appreciate your thoughts.

A bit about me...

30 yr guy.
Battling PTSD, Depression & OCD.
Experienced much despair in my life.
Lots of personally traumatic circumstances in my life.
History of self-harm and considering ending my life.

I've been judged by my partner for thinking the above and feel kinda lost at the moment as have been told that I should feel ashamed of myself for saying something like that and that such a thought is despicable, extreme and inappropriate.

Just wondering whether I should be feeling ashamed for having any thoughts like this and sharing it just once (in confidence with one person, my partner).

Thanks,

F

 

[Petal]

Hi there @Fighter86 No it is not shameful to be suffering with the conditions that you are suffering from. It's not inappropriate, its not despicable...you are who you are and you have the right to feel the way you do. Talk about your feelings to that one person who understands, if she doesn't understand go to the next trusted person. I am assuming you are in treatment for your conditions, are you getting any kind of therapy? Mental health stigma is something that drives me crazy but I don't care I am very open about my anxiety and most people actually do understand or at least tolerate it. Depends on who you talk to but please let me just say this you will not be judged here and we will support you in any way that we can.

Be yourself

 

[Fighter86]

Hi @Petal , Thank you for your response.
Perhaps I didn't word the question well enough, would you mind answering the question for me? Just interested to see what people think, thanks.

Do you think it's "extreme, inappropriate and shameful" to feel that others wouldn't have survived my life if they'd lived it and probably would have taken it?

I shared this and am now being shamed for it.

F

 

[tootall09]

Welcome I was about to say it sounds like your a fighter but it's already in your name , Heck No you shouldn't feel ashamed or dispicable , it takes alot to keep pushing through all the pain and misery in life. Keep it up Fighter86 !

 

[Fighter86]

I've posted a new thread that may be easier to understand.
Not sure my last one made that much sense.
If you'd be kind enough to give me feedback, I'd be greatful.
Thanks

 

[Fighter86]

Thanks @tootall09

 

[Fizzipocus]

Do you think it's wrong to feel that you've managed to not take your own life and chosen to keep fighting when you feel that perhaps others couldn't have survived the hell you've been through?

I often feel the inverse, in a way. That is to say, while my drastic sorrow weighs so heavily upon me, I'm acutely aware that many are struggling with far more dire circumstances. I'm given to wonder how I'd fare in a different situation - and I honestly feel it unlikely I'd survive.

Earlier this year, I came closer to ending my own life than I ever had previously - and wound up in a psych ward for ten days. Help was needed. I got it. However, speaking to others in that time and place was illuminating - and did much to alter my perspective. My focus widened a bit - less inward, more informed as to the ever-fluctuating range of human hardship. As I've stated before on this forum - we're all suffering in our own ways, for different reasons. Surviving in our own ways, by different means. Our troubles may vary in severity, but that means little in terms of lessening the impact. Depression and anxiety are indifferent foes - they play no favorites.

Having said that, perhaps strength is where you find it. I don't believe you should feel wrong for weathering a storm where others may not - provided you understand that storms befall us all. It's about compassion, not comparison. By surviving, we exhibit a kind of strength that others may aspire to, learn from, and benefit. Reaching out to those in pain, exploring emotions together, and keeping an open heart - these actions are a two-way street. Both parties stand to reap the betterment. SF is a perfect example of this.

Because the equation never changes: We're damaged. And because we're damaged, we suffer. And because we suffer, we flee. However, the result is never absolute - and whether we flee towards the light or the darkness is where the variables come in. You and I - and many others - are still here. This is a good thing - and should be a good thing for all those in need as we are. Be glad you're here - and administer the self-care you may require to keep things that way. Know others are struggling to do the same, and provide the example. You're a fighter.

Our feelings are our own. They happen, and we feel them. Some are harder to reconcile or understand than others. But such is the way of our affliction. Ultimately, how we confront these emotions - or perhaps wield them in service to ourselves and others - is the important thing. It's an ongoing conflict - but a shared conflict. And we're all present on the battlefield in a different way.

So feel no shame for your thoughts - just keep feeling. And keep fighting.

 

[Fighter86]

@Fizzipocus Thanks for offering your views.
I'm not sure how much of it relates to what I meant, as I have re-worded better in a different post, but appreciate you taking the time to write
a response. I wish you all the best with any trials you are facing.

 

[Innocent Forever]

No.
Whatever you feel is what you feel and is okay.

 

[Fighter86]

Thanks @Innocent Forever
Helps to hear that.