I had a memory resurface, from my childhood, about my first contemplations of death. I remember lying in bed, covered with heavy blankets, even over my head. It was dark, it was quiet and warm, and I wondered if that was what being dead was like, no input, no output, just calm. I craved that, and then thought about causing it to happen. That was around age 8 or 9, so the seeds were planted early.
peace