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My best friend is suicidal and seeing her suffer destroys me inside.

#1
My best friend and girlfriend is very much suicidal and has been since she was very young. She self-harms and is very traumatized by her past. She was raped by her mother at the age of 10, and has been abused physically and mentally by her parents all her life. Her mother was an alcoholic, and her father is a bit of a religious nut.

I met her on a forum for depression and mental health, and we really clicked. She is amazing in every way, and it pains me so much to know she is traumatized to the core. She still loves her parents, and thus believes that the rejection of love by her parents is her own fault, or some shortcoming of her own. Since she was a "bad kid", she believes every form of abuse put on her by her parents was her own fault, and at one point she even said that she should be thankful for her parents beating her into submission, due to her believing she was a "devil child". She is either schizophrenic, or her abuse manifests in extreme auditory, tactile and visual hallucinations. She feels guilty for being born, and puts blame on herself for her Mom once being an alcoholic. She doesn't believe she can get better (that she is too far gone), and that it would be best for everyone (even me), if she was dead.

She denies help at every twist and turn, even though a few times I thought there was a breakthrough when she admitted she wanted help. But her depression and trauma is so deep that she feels so confused on what "getting better" even means. She says she doesn't know how to get help. She's so confused, but I know she can get help and get better. It just gets extremely hard, and I've considered giving up many times myself. It turns onto me, and I get depressed myself, thinking I have some duty to protect her and keep her alive. I mean, I don't want her to die, she means everything to me. I know I can't save her, but I feel like that's bullshit sometimes, since letting her suffer isn't doing anyone any favors either.

I don't even know why I'm making this. I guess I just need someone to talk to about this. This is the first person in my life that I've had legitimate romantic feelings towards, and thinking about her not in my life brings me so much pain. But, knowing she isn't getting help she deserves hurts even more. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost myself and I feel like I'm going to lose the greatest person that has ever come into my life.
 
#2
Sorry to hear this Boogaloo.

I guess you could suggest that she join this forum.
She says she doesn't know how to get help
Depending on what country she lives in, there's some resources out there that might help her connect to a therapist.

I guess the best that you can do it to try to help, then accept that the outcome isn't something that you can really control
 

Ella

Hope.less
#5
You probably help her massively just by being there for her. Sounds like she is in a lot of pain :( and wish all the best to you both

Please remember to look after yourself too.
 
#6
Sorry to hear this Boogaloo.

I guess you could suggest that she join this forum.

Depending on what country she lives in, there's some resources out there that might help her connect to a therapist.

I guess the best that you can do it to try to help, then accept that the outcome isn't something that you can really control
She has already joined suicide forums before. And she knows she needs help, there are just many factors that are keeping her from doing it. I understand that it is out of my control, but I can't accept it. I can't just let her die knowing she had a fighting chance.
 

memyselfand1

University Student
#8
Perhaps college is pushing her into depression further, I actually found that it wasn’t that I was depressed about specific things it was that I wasn’t coping with daily regardless if I work or not, I have had depression and anxiety when I have been working and when I haven’t. There’s not one specific situation it’d tied down too.
 
#9
In principle she could call 211 or visit 211.org. They can help with healthcare and other services in the US and Canada.
 
#10
Perhaps college is pushing her into depression further, I actually found that it wasn’t that I was depressed about specific things it was that I wasn’t coping with daily regardless if I work or not, I have had depression and anxiety when I have been working and when I haven’t. There’s not one specific situation it’d tied down too.
I'm not confused about her. I know what's wrong with her. You don't need to offer possibilities on what may or may not be wrong. I know what's wrong. She is in college away from her parents, which offered her asylum from being abused, but she still needs help. She will not get that help because she is afraid to get it. It isn't a matter of
"college pushing her further into depression".
 

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