Want it to end

[Justatiredsoul]

I don't know what I'm doing
Today I had atleast 6 flashbacks the last
One it was happening all over again and
I couldn't breathe I was being chocked
I'm NOT strong enough to keep
Going or to live with anymore trauma
I've taken enough Valium n pain relief to nock out a
Horse but just feel drowsy and sick
And selfish for venting
I can't pick myself up off this damn floor
Here I am again staring at pills and crying
Like the pathetic piece of crap I am
I'm scared and it's not of dying
It's ofliving and not being safe it's what was done and said on repeat on my head..
"Stop fighting ill hit you again"
"No were not done yet " "should kill you while we're at it" "don't say anything to anyone .."

I hope no one reads and at the same time I do ... but it's been said if I don't say it tomorrow or the next o guess I've said it now

 

[dtc]

The truth is most people have no idea what they're doing, but together we can muddle our way through. There are lots of people here who will support you through this, and there's nothing selfish about vents, that's what this place is here for.

You didn't ask for this to be done to you, it's absolutely not your fault, and you deserve help and support to get you through this. Other than the medication have you been able to get any professional help? You'll get nothing but support here, but the help of a professional can be invaluable when you're going through what you are.

Some very talented people here have put together a video which is really worth a watch, it gives some context to why you are currently feeling the way you do, and why you don't have yourself to blame for it. You can find it at http://suicideforum.com/community/threads/sf-youtube-channel-and-first-video.129935/

Take care and try not to be too hard on yourself, you're the only one of you we have and you deserve a life that you can enjoy.

 

[Ash600]

My friend, as I've mentioned to you before, this place is for venting so let off as much steam as you wish. It's better to get these feelings out of your system rather than trying to hold it in or else these emotions may just eventually consume you.
We are here to listen, that's what's this site is for, and to offer support, comfort and advice.
Along with the professional help you're getting, please bear in mind that we're here as well to help you through your difficult times.

Take care.