“My Father Beats Me” Help for Abused Children and Teens

You can make it stop. Please tell the right people today.

There can be nothing in the world more terrifying than being in a situation that you cannot escape from, and while in that situation being physically or sexually abused. As a child or young teen you have no other place to go than home. If you attempt to run away then the police are likely to take you back to that home. If you tell the wrong person then they may tell the person abusing you and that could make it worse. If you tell somebody and they do not believe you or do not help then you realize you are stuck and have no choices left. That is where many of them that come to SF, a support forum, are at. They feel like the only possible escape from the daily pain and terror is suicide.

Like so many other situations of people feeling suicidal, the feeling of “there is no hope and  nobody cares” is one thing, but the reality is quite different. In the case of abused children and teens in most countries around the world the reality is very different. While they have been abused and misled by terror and pain, as well as being conflicted by societal beliefs that “families should stick together” and that it is wrong to “say anything that could get a family member in trouble” the reality is society is well aware of the need to protect those that cannot protect themselves and set up many avenues of help.

The solution to getting out of an abusive environment is simply to not be silent. Not only do you need to tell somebody, but you need to tell somebody that can actually help. Another teen or child is unlikely able to help much at all. Telling an anonymous stranger on the internet in a chat group or forum will not solve the problem of abuse. Talking about it on Tumbler will not make the problem go away.

If you have told a parent(s) about the other parent or other relative or member of household abusing you and they do not immediately act then you cannot depend on them to ever act. It is not for them to “work out” or “try to talk to the person”. If they do anything but make clear you are safe by taking you to a safe place and involving the authorities then you have not told the right person. If they appear angry with you do not trust that they are going to help you and do not stay in a dangerous situation while they “try to figure it out”.

Who to Tell

In the US there are many people you can go to. The easiest are teachers, guidance counselors, and/or school principals where you likely can talk without worrying about the parent or family member over hearing since you are there daily. Do not let them brush it aside and tell the absolute truth. If you exaggerate in any way you run the risk of an investigation showing parts being a lie so then the assumption is all may be a lie.

Do not lie about it, and do not hide parts. You do not need to tell the precise details or relive the abuse in anyway with the school faculty, but you have to say physically abused with hands/ belt/ whatever actually happens, or sexually abused by touching or forcing sex/ sexual contact. Tell them what happened and that you want them to get you help and they will. Do not try to use innuendo or hints and expect them to guess. Like pulling off a band aid- just do it and get it said directly to make it easier. If any reason you feel like they are not getting you help or not believing, immediately ask to see the guidance counselor or principal- get another member of the staff involved and repeat what happened/ happens and that you want them to get you help.

In addition to teachers, school staff, you can go into any hospital or medical facility and tell the nurses or Doctors there. Most often on a regular Doctor visit they ask a question about do you feel safe in your home- if you do not say no and tell them why and that you want help. You can call 911 in the US and tell them and they will send help immediately and stay on the phone with you until help gets there. You can call 211 and get immediate help as well from social service agencies as well as police if needed. Since you are using a computer to read this you can go to www.211.org to get help. Be cautious with using your computer – if you need help then get help. Simply looking for help and not getting it while using a computer that could show you are looking for help could endanger you in a sexually or physically abusive situation. Actually get the help so that you do not risk the abuser seeing you are thinking about it but you have not yet got it.

There are also specific child help lines in US –

https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/     1-800-422-4453

Every state has its own helplines as well. Search for “Child helpline <state> “

Other countries al have their own mandated reporters to help, in most of Western Europe they are similar to the US ones, but dialing the emergency services number will work as will talking to the school and asking them to help you get help and contact the correct place to get safe.

UK – https://www.childline.org.uk/     Call 0800 1111

In other countries simply search for “child helpline (country)” to find the resources you use.

If you are a child and are being abused, you have the power to stop it. Simply tell the people that can help you and ask for that help.

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  • This is BS! No one wants to get “involved”. There’s a lot of talk out there but bottom line is that people do have a heart but not the intestinal fortitude to do so. I know this from first hand experience. I can’t say that I truly blame them, truth is that I wouldn’t want to be “bothered” either. Well, as I seriously ponder my own “feelings” about my own demise,

    • Have you heard of the term mandated reporter? Every person in the article is a mandated reporter and would lose their job and licence to teach, practice medicine, counsel, or lose badge if DID NOT report when told and nobody is willing to give up their livelihood over making a phone call to social sevices when their name is never included in part of the investigation. Somebody hiding on a computer telling people to keep quiet about abuse, Either you are clueless about mandated reporter laws and the people that do these jobs or maybe you are scared of being told on???

  • Right. And every time I call the suicide prevention hotline, they just tell me to go to a therapist after providing a few useful tips. Tips. What am I gonna do with those?

    There is a lot of talk about helping people, yet I haven’t found the right help yet. I have a therapist and she wonderful but that’s not enough! We live in a society where abuse is normalized. And I’m traumatized over and over and again.

    I had a very well paying job and I was sexually harassed there. I quit. Now what? This happens all the time. I’ve tried many different jobs. I try another job. How many times do I need to try? How many times do I need to sacrifice my well being while my abusers stay in the job and continue getting salary and benefits?

    Plus being a woman. All the messages and violence we hear towards us. And men trying to do whatever they want with our bodies. Even our boyfriends and husbands who watch what is done to women online and want to do the same to us.

    Treat the society.

    • Calling an anonymous suicide hotline hotline about sexual abuse clearly does not address the issue, Aside from the article applying to children/minors. However for your situation yes there were remedies to the situation- which is the point of the article- to tell people that do know the remedies what they are. The remedy is to report it and more importantly to report it to somebody that has the ability to get action taking when it is still possible to get action taken. No, the anonymous call to suicide hotline people did not fix your issue of sexual harassment at work. That surprises you how? And has what to do with this article?

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