suicidal ideation

I cannot stand the little girl in me telling me it was my fault. I just cannot live with the guilt of being responsible.

Just thinking about going home has increased my suicidal ideations and is making me want to self harm. Yet I still sort of want to go home. I know that I need to do what is best for me but at the moment it seems like I wont. I do not really know why, is this all due to self destruction.

On the surface everything in my life has been working out. The new job I started last week is going well and is keeping me busy and I know to my friends and family I seem happier. Maybe it is also my fault for pretending to be happier. However I still feel like I don't belong here. I've been...

I apologise to all if this is triggering and for the length of this post, but this has been something that has been playing on my mind for a long time and I really feel like I need to discuss it to get it out of my system. I have suffered with suicidal ideation many times over the past 12 or so...