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Are you over 60?
- Thread starter Waves
- Start date
Hi Guys, I am so tired of fighting. Everyday is a fight. A fight to live. A fight to be heard. It goes without saying that life is a fight. Fight to eat. Dominance. I don’t have a be stamina anymore to fight and in my older age I don’t have the help that is natural at this age like children or family. I am not alone but I am on my own. ☹️
Thank you for validation. I feel invalidated by younger people telling me to look at the bright side, take a walk, get a hobby, get therapy, get meds. Well I did all that. What research shows is that seniors get lonely, lose stamina, grieve about declining health and hair, are pushed out of jobs, rejected, discriminated, mocked for being outdated etc. I just want to be a part of a tribe again.
May I ask you. Dies it help that you have your brother . . . And I think a niece? I think children was what us better. Damn I wish I had known how much I would need a family. It hurts every single waking hour.
May I ask you. Dies it help that you have your brother . . . And I think a niece? I think children was what us better. Damn I wish I had known how much I would need a family. It hurts every single waking hour.
I've read what you've shared today and at 65 am in a similar situation. And am basically alone, no family at all. I find myself deteriorating, basically because of the aloneness. It's hard on the mind and spirit to be passed by, passed over by everyone. The hair loss is just the icing on the grief cake. I agree, it's a constant hurt. The fight for me is to get through every day. Everywhere around me people have family and they lean on and engage with and enjoy each other.
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@SillyOldBear and @Waves and @Livelife - I wish I could make things better for you guys. Do you feel you have any support from friends, church, or other organizations?
My own mother (who was abusive and is still difficult, although I certainly acknowledge she was going through gruelling circumstances herself) had the opposite experience.
Once she retired at 65 and got away from her horrible employer, she was able to move to an apartment near a large seniors' center and she proceeded to build a social circle there. She took up painting and acting (she had previously been an actress and taught drama to her ) and appeared in several comedy plays put on by the seniors' center. At 83 she lives in an independent-living residence, has many friends (at least casual friends) and plays bridge and Scrabble. She is lucky to have enjoyed good physical and cognitive health. She is also fortunate that my brother and I help her and visit despite the past and continuing difficulties. She's isn't very close to her one grandson because my brother and his wife basically kept him away from her (which I don't entirely agree with but I do understand why). But she has a pretty good life now, and she was able to benefit from the insane inflation of Vancouver real estate prices to be financially comfortable.
I think if that seniors' centre hadn't been there she might not have had nearly as much success socially (and many of the people she knows in her current residence also were regulars at the centre). It's ironic how circumstances make such a difference.
My own mother (who was abusive and is still difficult, although I certainly acknowledge she was going through gruelling circumstances herself) had the opposite experience.
Once she retired at 65 and got away from her horrible employer, she was able to move to an apartment near a large seniors' center and she proceeded to build a social circle there. She took up painting and acting (she had previously been an actress and taught drama to her ) and appeared in several comedy plays put on by the seniors' center. At 83 she lives in an independent-living residence, has many friends (at least casual friends) and plays bridge and Scrabble. She is lucky to have enjoyed good physical and cognitive health. She is also fortunate that my brother and I help her and visit despite the past and continuing difficulties. She's isn't very close to her one grandson because my brother and his wife basically kept him away from her (which I don't entirely agree with but I do understand why). But she has a pretty good life now, and she was able to benefit from the insane inflation of Vancouver real estate prices to be financially comfortable.
I think if that seniors' centre hadn't been there she might not have had nearly as much success socially (and many of the people she knows in her current residence also were regulars at the centre). It's ironic how circumstances make such a difference.
The people in my mum's church have been so good to her when she's been ill. And even if you're not religious in the past I've done several activities which generally have older people there (tai-chi, line dancing) and they've really looked after each other, if someone missed a session they'd check to see if they were ok or go round and visit. I'm alone because I choose to be, I generally don't like other people, however I usually find older people to be kinder and more approachable than younger people and maybe in 10 years time I'll even start making friends!
My church is a wonderful group of people. All of us are old, so we understand. Many have health problems and have lost a spouse. My are also a very praying church, always willing to pray for each other. And a very hug church, always willing to give hugs. And I have had rides available when I was having car problems. But we are still not meeting in person very much. Only on Sundays. Zoom seems to be the big thing and I don't like it. But its not the same as having one sharing your house, the chores, the problems that come with age. There seem to be more problems as you age. You get one taken care of and three more hit. The current world situation doesn't help much either. All the pastor keeps saying is to just remember that God is in control. Not much solace with inflation slapping everyone down.
That's awesome. I'm glad you have a good church. I didn't have a great experience growing up Catholic (my mother's employers who bullied her were a priest and nun as she taught in a Catholic school). But I have a friend who's a United church minister and she is wonderful. She actually got me reading the Gospels and I really feel like she is someone who follows the example of Jesus rather than just giving lip service.
@Waves I am sorry you are alone. I have made a topic with a number of suggestions for finding friends: https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...people-wanting-friends-irl-and-online.167553/
Also many communities have a seniors' phone line, 211, or other services to help seniors connect.
Also many communities have a seniors' phone line, 211, or other services to help seniors connect.
Thank you Lady. You are very kind and considerate. Unfortunately the USA cut back on social services starting in the 1980s and has dwindled down to very little now. Remember we don’t have free healthcare so that shows how much we value our citizens mental and physical health. The services for seniors are section 8 housing if very very poor, financial advice and referrals. Other than that this is very very little. Churches have their Bible study classes, which are best suited for people that are religious and believers. The few meetups here are for people looking to mate or are under 40. I read up on the changes in society and learned that this has been a growing problem for several decades. The decline started with Reagan and Thatcher neither of whom have lived to see the damage. Don’t know if they would agree it was damaging though. They were very capitalistic to the point of leaving people homeless in the streets and in the USA without healthcare. It truly is a very disturbing world here. Thank you again for your consideration. You are a good person.
A little bit of a vanity related post, I just found this video with JLo's make-up artis Scott Barnes, creating a nice look for his 66-year-old neighbor (if you are looking for inspiration on how to do make-up at this age). I am sure there are many similar ones on youtube, it was just so special....they were just so sweet. (apologies from those who already saw it in the "aging" thread)