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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
I did Nothing today. I feel like a failure. I took too much medication last night - forgot and couldn't remember if I took an initial dose - for the pain in my leg (epidural was a failure) and slept to 10;30 which I haven't done in years. Only got up to feed the cat. i was dizzy and foggy most of the day so chose not to drive all day which means tomorrow will be a blur of errands. I have to watch that.
I'm feeling bizarrely fearful. Like I did something wrong that I didn't know was wrong, nor did I intend it to be destructive to anyone, but at the same time most people would want to see me buried alive with 30,000 fire ants over. I've had run ins with fire ants. They are vicious.
I cannot come up with ideas from my recent memory of anything outrageous I've done since the last time I was feeling more stable. This seems to be making me more anxious. My anxiety voice keeps saying, "well - what if you don't remember what you did, or you still cannot see that it was wrong?"
It's like a Chinese finger trap. If I stop trying to examine my conscience, it will stop bothering me, but since it is bothering me I keep reverting to certainty seeking.
I cannot come up with ideas from my recent memory of anything outrageous I've done since the last time I was feeling more stable. This seems to be making me more anxious. My anxiety voice keeps saying, "well - what if you don't remember what you did, or you still cannot see that it was wrong?"
It's like a Chinese finger trap. If I stop trying to examine my conscience, it will stop bothering me, but since it is bothering me I keep reverting to certainty seeking.
I have a highly sedating medication and so it naturally follows that I take it at night, but it also messes with my short term memory such that I normally take it earlier in my nighttime routine, but then by the end of it, I have no recollection of whether I did or didn't. It takes an hour to kick in, so if I take it right at bedtime I'm in limbo between having already wrapped up for the night and falling asleep. FWIW I can do this with daytime meds too, though!
LMK if you'd be interested in possible ideas for tracking it. Since my memory is affected, I cannot rely on writing things down so I have implemented mechanisms that can't be defeated by, e.g., my failure to write something down.
I have also gotten not a whole lot done today, so I can relate to that.
LMK if you'd be interested in possible ideas for tracking it. Since my memory is affected, I cannot rely on writing things down so I have implemented mechanisms that can't be defeated by, e.g., my failure to write something down.
I have also gotten not a whole lot done today, so I can relate to that.
Awake. Got some sleep, woke at about usual time with mouth grumbling but guard was still in and it was 4/10 pain rather than 10/10 like the 5am wake up the previous day. The jaw is still putting pressure down, even if the actual worst bit, the surface contact and pressure which started this, is reduced. Have naproxen and other pain relievers on standby, so at least I don't have to engage with the medical system for pain relief currently. And hopefully it can start settling down, but like ribs or pelvic floor (there's a theme in my life!) it is hard to simply rest a part of the mouth for 2 weeks, so will keep to mitigation and hope with time the inflammation starts to go down. Saturday today, which is nice, the one day I refuse to do any work of any kind.
Sorry you're dealing with that @Windhover. No one should raise their voice to you. Wishing you good solutions
A little better and calmer. Speech is clear, no ringing in ears, vision clear. I took a nasty fall on the tile floor hitting my chin and face first when returning inside and was moving at my usual fast rate of speed. Foot got caught in my pj bottoms. I saw stars for sure
I’ve been lying down for about an hour and my body is relaxing. I hope I don’t have a black and blue face and chest on my upcoming bday, lol 😂 what a goofball I am🙃🙃🙃
I’ve been lying down for about an hour and my body is relaxing. I hope I don’t have a black and blue face and chest on my upcoming bday, lol 😂 what a goofball I am🙃🙃🙃
Yeah that sounds painful. I wish I could go over and help you, because I feel like I could out-holler anyone right now. Meeting aggression with more aggression, is probably not the correct approach, though.
You should not be treated that way. They are probably reacting to something you have little to do with, but I am guessing they presume that you won’t defend yourself.
That’s how bullies work. Instead of dealing with their own shit, this person is projecting it onto you. I hope you find a way to set and enforce boundaries because this kind of belligerence is practically violence. Depending on the individual, it might be a prelude to physical assault, and that’s literally a crime.
At the very least, it’s not your fault, but that of the person raising their voice. I don’t know the context, so it’s difficult for me to guess, but it seems like a “not your fault, but unfortunately it’s your responsibility” situation. Please take care of yourself; you are worth being taken care of.
You should not be treated that way. They are probably reacting to something you have little to do with, but I am guessing they presume that you won’t defend yourself.
That’s how bullies work. Instead of dealing with their own shit, this person is projecting it onto you. I hope you find a way to set and enforce boundaries because this kind of belligerence is practically violence. Depending on the individual, it might be a prelude to physical assault, and that’s literally a crime.
At the very least, it’s not your fault, but that of the person raising their voice. I don’t know the context, so it’s difficult for me to guess, but it seems like a “not your fault, but unfortunately it’s your responsibility” situation. Please take care of yourself; you are worth being taken care of.