the person is my father, and I’m so scared. This is my first time posting here, after this forum was recommended to me by someone on another forum I visit. I have been in such a desperate frame of mind for the longest time, and I would give anything for therapy, but I have no health insurance.
I have a great education and no criminal record or anything, but for some reason I have never been able to learn how to live or connect with people in my adult life. My childhood was a rare sort of freak show that has scarred me deeply, but I am 28 years old, and there is no excuse as to why I haven’t been able to move past it yet.
I work the graveyard shift just so I can make $1 above what I would make if I changed to a different shift. I’m qualified to actually work a decent and normal job, but I can’t get hired, probably because I have such poor interpersonal skills and they come through in all my interviews. I am completely alone, without a friend in the world and with no family except for my father. Every time my father pops into my life to collect his money, I am unable to give it to him because I don’t have it, and he says things to me that are so horrible, they leave me feeling like I want to take my life every single time.
Aside from the encounters with my father, I have actually come a very long way in the last 2 months. I was homeless, selling drugs and without any will to live whatsoever, but now I actually have a job and apartment and coworkers/ neighbors who like me. I really don’t want to die, and I especially don’t want to kill myself, but every time my father shows up, it’s like this darkness comes over me that I can’t control, and I have no one to talk to or reach out to and I feel as though I’m hanging in some sort of abyss, and it’s like he sees this and he just keeps swinging punches because for some reason, my pain makes him very happy.
And since I do owe him thousands of dollars, I know I can’t call the police on him, and I just have to take it. I am here because I can’t tell my neighbors or coworkers about something like this, but I don’t want to take my own life, either. I am so alone and scared that it will eventually happen, and I am just hoping to find someone I can talk to on the days when my father comes after me.
...or someone to talk to in general. All I want is to be a good person and move forward in my future, for once...
I have a great education and no criminal record or anything, but for some reason I have never been able to learn how to live or connect with people in my adult life. My childhood was a rare sort of freak show that has scarred me deeply, but I am 28 years old, and there is no excuse as to why I haven’t been able to move past it yet.
I work the graveyard shift just so I can make $1 above what I would make if I changed to a different shift. I’m qualified to actually work a decent and normal job, but I can’t get hired, probably because I have such poor interpersonal skills and they come through in all my interviews. I am completely alone, without a friend in the world and with no family except for my father. Every time my father pops into my life to collect his money, I am unable to give it to him because I don’t have it, and he says things to me that are so horrible, they leave me feeling like I want to take my life every single time.
Aside from the encounters with my father, I have actually come a very long way in the last 2 months. I was homeless, selling drugs and without any will to live whatsoever, but now I actually have a job and apartment and coworkers/ neighbors who like me. I really don’t want to die, and I especially don’t want to kill myself, but every time my father shows up, it’s like this darkness comes over me that I can’t control, and I have no one to talk to or reach out to and I feel as though I’m hanging in some sort of abyss, and it’s like he sees this and he just keeps swinging punches because for some reason, my pain makes him very happy.
And since I do owe him thousands of dollars, I know I can’t call the police on him, and I just have to take it. I am here because I can’t tell my neighbors or coworkers about something like this, but I don’t want to take my own life, either. I am so alone and scared that it will eventually happen, and I am just hoping to find someone I can talk to on the days when my father comes after me.
...or someone to talk to in general. All I want is to be a good person and move forward in my future, for once...