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I want to find a quick way to die.

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sisyphus

Active Member
#1
I tried to make myself better.
I tried to be a better person.
I tried to let people help me.
I wanted so bad to get well.
But all I am is lost.
All I am is empty.
And I will always feel lonely,
Even tho imI not alone.

No one could possibly help me.
No one could always be there.
There will always be a better thing to do.
There will always be something more important,
More urgent,
More interesting.

I am not worth of any attention.
And yet I crave it all of the time. Always.
And it hurts to never get any of it.

I want to die.
And it's not some strange kind of self pity or victimism.
It's loneliness.
Experiences are worth nothing when they cannot be shared.
And I almost never get to share the few that I get.
Nothing is ever worth anything.

I know I should be self sufficient. And I have been for 20 whole years.
And of course it worked. I had incredibly good moments.
But they almost never linger. They eventually end up making me feel empty.

"I am too far. I am too lost"

Yes, I could keep going.
But I don't want it anymore.
I just want to go. To let go.
To be free.
To let the pain drift away.
It's periodical. It's intermittent.
I don't want to hold on. I want to be dead.
 

gypsylee

SF Supporter
#3
I tried to make myself better.
I tried to be a better person.
I tried to let people help me.
I wanted so bad to get well.
But all I am is lost.
All I am is empty.
And I will always feel lonely,
Even tho imI not alone.

No one could possibly help me.
No one could always be there.
There will always be a better thing to do.
There will always be something more important,
More urgent,
More interesting.

I am not worth of any attention.
And yet I crave it all of the time. Always.
And it hurts to never get any of it.

I want to die.
And it's not some strange kind of self pity or victimism.
It's loneliness.
Experiences are worth nothing when they cannot be shared.
And I almost never get to share the few that I get.
Nothing is ever worth anything.

I know I should be self sufficient. And I have been for 20 whole years.
And of course it worked. I had incredibly good moments.
But they almost never linger. They eventually end up making me feel empty.

"I am too far. I am too lost"

Yes, I could keep going.
But I don't want it anymore.
I just want to go. To let go.
To be free.
To let the pain drift away.
It's periodical. It's intermittent.
I don't want to hold on. I want to be dead.
Hey @sisyphus

I’m just trying to get out of my own depression atm so I’m a bit short on wisdom too.

You know Albert Camus wrote about the myth of Sisyphus?

The book ends with a discussion of the myth of Sisyphus, who, according to the Greek myth, was punished for all eternity to roll a rock up a mountain only to have it roll back down to the bottom when he reaches the top. Camus claims that Sisyphus is the ideal absurd hero and that his punishment is representative of the human condition: Sisyphus must struggle perpetually and without hope of success. So long as he accepts that there is nothing more to life than this absurd struggle, then he can find happiness in it, says Camus.

Gypsy x
 

sisyphus

Active Member
#4
I
Hey @sisyphus

I’m just trying to get out of my own depression atm so I’m a bit short on wisdom too.

You know Albert Camus wrote about the myth of Sisyphus?

The book ends with a discussion of the myth of Sisyphus, who, according to the Greek myth, was punished for all eternity to roll a rock up a mountain only to have it roll back down to the bottom when he reaches the top. Camus claims that Sisyphus is the ideal absurd hero and that his punishment is representative of the human condition: Sisyphus must struggle perpetually and without hope of success. So long as he accepts that there is nothing more to life than this absurd struggle, then he can find happiness in it, says Camus.

Gypsy x
I didn't know that!
Thank you so much... But it really is hard. The rock gets heavier and heavier by the time
 

MarvelFan

Vanity of Vanities
#5
There is no quick painless way to die all of that can go wrong and you end up in agony.

I will try and break down what you said.

Sometimes some people can not always make themselves better and even if they did it does not always validate a happy life.

"All I am is empty."

Emptyness can be a period of life sometimes or most of the times it can feel like there is hole in ourselves that no matter what we try to fill it with it can sometimes never be filled.

"No one could possibly help me. No one could always be there."

There are little helps in life unless you spend your whole life fighting to get them but the biggest help in most people's life is themselves. It would be hard or almost impossible to find someone to always be there, that is why we have to fill in the gaps with being their for ourselves when we need it.

"It's loneliness. Experiences are worth nothing when they cannot be shared.
And I almost never get to share the few that I get. Nothing is ever worth anything."

"I know I should be self sufficient. And I have been for 20 whole years.
And of course it worked. I had incredibly good moments.
But they almost never linger. They eventually end up making me feel empty."

Personal happiness and personal joy of the self can be fleeting meaning that it comes and goes but when it also combined by seeing and experiencing others joy that combo is what make things worth something.

"I don't want to hold on. I want to be dead"

If you dont want to hold on and want to be dead then there should be no worry of what the experiences or worth of sharing moments should bring. Being alone is up to the person and there can be times of just pure survival in life and the feelings of being neutral and that is not always where we want to be but it is better than wallowing in sorrow for some of us most of the time.
 
Last edited:

Ella

Hope.less
#6
I’m so sorry life has got you feeling so desperate. I hope you can find a way to be free from this hurt but hope death isn’t that way
 

j2415

Well-Known Member
#7
I tried to make myself better.
I tried to be a better person.
I tried to let people help me.
I wanted so bad to get well.
But all I am is lost.
All I am is empty.
And I will always feel lonely,
Even tho imI not alone.

No one could possibly help me.
No one could always be there.
There will always be a better thing to do.
There will always be something more important,
More urgent,
More interesting.

I am not worth of any attention.
And yet I crave it all of the time. Always.
And it hurts to never get any of it.

I want to die.
And it's not some strange kind of self pity or victimism.
It's loneliness.
Experiences are worth nothing when they cannot be shared.
And I almost never get to share the few that I get.
Nothing is ever worth anything.

I know I should be self sufficient. And I have been for 20 whole years.
And of course it worked. I had incredibly good moments.
But they almost never linger. They eventually end up making me feel empty.

"I am too far. I am too lost"

Yes, I could keep going.
But I don't want it anymore.
I just want to go. To let go.
To be free.
To let the pain drift away.
It's periodical. It's intermittent.
I don't want to hold on. I want to be dead.
Hi- I'm sorry you are going through so much pain. Please don't give up. We right here and we care for you.
I pray for peace as you go through this season and you will overcome the sadness you are going through.
Take care, I hope you will feel better soon.
 

Walker

Everything Zen
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#8
The depression thing? It never really goes away for most people. That's a common theme. But it does get manageable and tolerable and able to be controlled. You can do it too. This place is full of people who have been right where you are. I hope you find some peace.
 

sisyphus

Active Member
#9
There is no quick painless way to die all of that can go wrong and you end up in agony.

I will try and break down what you said.

Sometimes some people can not always make themselves better and even if they did it does not always validate a happy life.

"All I am is empty."

Emptyness can be a period of life sometimes or most of the times it can feel like there is hole in ourselves that no matter what we try to fill it with it can sometimes never be filled.

"No one could possibly help me. No one could always be there."

There are little helps in life unless you spend your whole life fighting to get them but the biggest help in most people's life is themselves. It would be hard or almost impossible to find someone to always be there, that is why we have to fill in the gaps with being their for ourselves when we need it.

"It's loneliness. Experiences are worth nothing when they cannot be shared.
And I almost never get to share the few that I get. Nothing is ever worth anything."

"I know I should be self sufficient. And I have been for 20 whole years.
And of course it worked. I had incredibly good moments.
But they almost never linger. They eventually end up making me feel empty."

Personal happiness and personal joy of the self can be fleeting meaning that it comes and goes but when it also combined by seeing and experiencing others joy that combo is what make things worth something.

"I don't want to hold on. I want to be dead"

If you dont want to hold on and want to be dead then there should be no worry of what the experiences or worth of sharing moments should bring. Being alone is up to the person and there can be times of just pure survival in life and the feelings of being neutral and that is not always where we want to be but it is better than wallowing in sorrow for some of us most of the time.

Thank you, I am going to try to harder
 

sisyphus

Active Member
#11
Hi- I'm sorry you are going through so much pain. Please don't give up. We right here and we care for you.
I pray for peace as you go through this season and you will overcome the sadness you are going through.
Take care, I hope you will feel better soon.
I will indeed try. Thank you!
 

sisyphus

Active Member
#12
The depression thing? It never really goes away for most people. That's a common theme. But it does get manageable and tolerable and able to be controlled. You can do it too. This place is full of people who have been right where you are. I hope you find some peace.
I am trying to manage... Thank you!!
 
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