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I'm not getting better

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CoffeeArtist

CoffeeArtist

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#1
#1
My parents think that I am getting better, nearing the end of depression, but little do they know how I am still suicidal. I can't tell them because they'll be hurt yet again and the entire cycle of guilt would be repeated. Meds are working, undoubtedly, but now that my self-written book is going to be published, I am thinking of attempting suicide right after getting it published, just to make my parents feel proud once before I die.
I know it is wrong, but I can't help it.

Help me, someone.
 
Sunspots

Sunspots

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#2
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It will never hurt your parents to know how you're feeling right now. I've been exactly there as a parent of a suicidal 15 year old child. ALL I could ever think about was how to help them, not how it affected me.
Please believe me that they will want to know. Of course it will frighten them, the thought of losing your child is terrifying. But that fear is nothing in comparison to how they'll feel if they ever find out you couldn't confide in them. You don't even have to tell them WHY, just that you are still feeling suicidal. Let them help you. My son never really told us why he was suicidal although I know he had been bullied very badly at school so I guess it was that but there may well have been more to it. But he talked to his psychologist about it. And that was enough for me. It didn't matter how he got better, just that he did.

Of course your parents will be incredibly proud of you when your book is published. But I bet that's nothing to the pride they feel about you dealing with what you've been going through.

Tell them, tell someone. The meds are working so give yourself that time to see how far you can come. It's worth it.
 
M

mortdesinos

Well-Known Member
#3
#3
I believe your relationship with your parents is crucial to what your best options are. If you are not close with them, telling them anything in gritty detail, or even in passing might get them irritated.

I know my parents can get irate to begin with (undxed bipolar disorder.) I've told them about me but it hasn't helped.

The most important thing is that you are safe. You would devastate your friends and relatives otherwise.
 
1964dodge

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
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#4
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please tell your parents @Sunspots is right if they found out that you didn't feel that you could confide would devastate them even more if anything happened. you are so young with your whole life ahead of you. mental health issues take time and i'm sure your parents know this. life has ups and downs the trick is to work on getting through the bad times and embracing the good times. do you really want to miss out on a lifetime of good times. please stay with therapy/meds and keep coming here for support.
 
Butterfly

Butterfly

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#5
#5
Why can’t your parents be proud with you still alive? You never know, it might actually dampen the suicidal thoughts somewhat. Your parents would be more hurt you being dead than you telling them you feel suicidal. Think about logic here...
 
Walker

Walker

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#9
#9
It would surely be better for you yo be around to see them be proud of you.
You don't need to fake being "better" for others. Yeah they've been spending money and worrying about you so you feel some sort of undue pressure to feel well - but it's crap. You feel how you feel. Think if you were to kill yourself and it was all for nothing at all. That would be a grave error.
Let us know how telling them works out ok?

Congrats on your book.
 
howulivin64

howulivin64

Member
#10
#10
I'll help you, if you'll listen. I've suffered from depression and a negative impression of myself for fifty years so I understand. Your thinking is all messed up! You wouldn't be making your parents proud (maybe in some very small way) but you would be making them extremely SAD! You would most likely be making them depressed for the rest of their lives! They would be forever wondering why did she make us think she was getting better. Why didn't she tell us she was still suffering? You and I know depression sucks so why put your parents through a lifetime of it? I have no doubt you don't want that. You've written a book that is about to be published? You know wo should be most proud of that? YOU!!!! Your depressing me because I've never did such a thing and have thought about it. Good for you! Bottom line is be honest with your parents. Work on fixing your sadness. You can certainly do it and someday when you and your parents look back, you can ALL be proud!!!
 
P

Patrick1234

New Member
#11
#11
Sunspots said:
It will never hurt your parents to know how you're feeling right now. I've been exactly there as a parent of a suicidal 15 year old child. ALL I could ever think about was how to help them, not how it affected me.
Please believe me that they will want to know. Of course it will frighten them, the thought of losing your child is terrifying. But that fear is nothing in comparison to how they'll feel if they ever find out you couldn't confide in them. You don't even have to tell them WHY, just that you are still feeling suicidal. Let them help you. My son never really told us why he was suicidal although I know he had been bullied very badly at school so I guess it was that but there may well have been more to it. But he talked to his psychologist about it. And that was enough for me. It didn't matter how he got better, just that he did.

Of course your parents will be incredibly proud of you when your book is published. But I bet that's nothing to the pride they feel about you dealing with what you've been going through.

Tell them, tell someone. The meds are working so give yourself that time to see how far you can come. It's worth it.
Click to expand...
That's great you're understanding, but 99% of people cannot tolerate hearing anything about suicide. It's not a good idea to keep talking about it with people who don't understand. They'll eventually turn against the suicidal person for a number of reasons. Some just get agitated and leave and don't know why, while some think suicide is an indulgence kind of like an addiction and they won't "enable" the person if they're still "entertaining" thoughts of suicide.
 
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