I'm 20 and never had a job.
The entirety of the time I've been with my bf, I haven't been making money.
He did help me once get a job at the restaurant where he used to work but they let me go after a month (they even had me work new year's eve) and I only ever received one paycheck worth $35 (WHICH IS HARDLY ADEQUATE TO THE AMOUNT OF HOURS I WORKED) another one worth literally $1.35 and another one that was just plain "VOID". And because of procrastination I just never bothered to get it dealt with and never received my money.
The only money I've had to work with is some I already had and from xmas/birthdays. I've been buying groceries whenever we go out most of the time ever since xmas. But now I'm down to like, $50.
And every month since we've been together, he's been paying for my phone bill. I can't remember what it was before but it was less than what it's been the last few months which I believe is $45, more or less.
Now tho, he says if I can't get a job, I should move back home with my parents.. and I've truly been procrastinating, I'm not a very considerate gf ;x;
But this whole month of April I've been trying every day and I only ever got one call and one interview and I felt really excited thinking I'd get the job but ofc not. Why would I? I can never get a job.
"You can't get a job without experience. You can't get experience without a job."
I have to be positive but when I let myself get my hopes up, it's all the more worse when I don't get the job.
I literally don't think I can get a job within this month (there's only 5 more days ;~; ) even if I apply to places today..
Moving out is not an option to me!
Breaking up is not an option to me!
Living with my parents in that shitty town is not an option to me!
I'm not gonna get a job there!
Staying unemployed is not an option to me!
I would rather fekking die than live alone there.
I can NOT deal with this. I don't think I can get a job but I want to and need to ;;~;;
I want to go to sleep and wake up in a different world. I want it to be so when my bf wakes up, he had never met me. I had never existed in this world. That would save him the sadness of not having me around anymore if I never existed in the first place.
What do I want from this site?
Some advice, I guess? I don't see any other way to deal with this (inb4 comment "Ofc you do. You could just man up and not be a coward." etc.)
I can't kill myself though cuz I know that's retarded and it's selfish. My parent's would be sad and my sister and her babies would be sad (at least she would be, heh.) I can't die when there's little babies around ,_,
I'm so fekking torn between things.. I just want someone to get me a job! 'Cause my efforts aren't doing shit!
I'm really. fekking. sad
* (I typed this all out + more in my personal details on my profile page)
The entirety of the time I've been with my bf, I haven't been making money.
He did help me once get a job at the restaurant where he used to work but they let me go after a month (they even had me work new year's eve) and I only ever received one paycheck worth $35 (WHICH IS HARDLY ADEQUATE TO THE AMOUNT OF HOURS I WORKED) another one worth literally $1.35 and another one that was just plain "VOID". And because of procrastination I just never bothered to get it dealt with and never received my money.
The only money I've had to work with is some I already had and from xmas/birthdays. I've been buying groceries whenever we go out most of the time ever since xmas. But now I'm down to like, $50.
And every month since we've been together, he's been paying for my phone bill. I can't remember what it was before but it was less than what it's been the last few months which I believe is $45, more or less.
Now tho, he says if I can't get a job, I should move back home with my parents.. and I've truly been procrastinating, I'm not a very considerate gf ;x;
But this whole month of April I've been trying every day and I only ever got one call and one interview and I felt really excited thinking I'd get the job but ofc not. Why would I? I can never get a job.
"You can't get a job without experience. You can't get experience without a job."
I have to be positive but when I let myself get my hopes up, it's all the more worse when I don't get the job.
I literally don't think I can get a job within this month (there's only 5 more days ;~; ) even if I apply to places today..
Moving out is not an option to me!
Breaking up is not an option to me!
Living with my parents in that shitty town is not an option to me!
I'm not gonna get a job there!
Staying unemployed is not an option to me!
I would rather fekking die than live alone there.
I can NOT deal with this. I don't think I can get a job but I want to and need to ;;~;;
I want to go to sleep and wake up in a different world. I want it to be so when my bf wakes up, he had never met me. I had never existed in this world. That would save him the sadness of not having me around anymore if I never existed in the first place.
What do I want from this site?
Some advice, I guess? I don't see any other way to deal with this (inb4 comment "Ofc you do. You could just man up and not be a coward." etc.)
I can't kill myself though cuz I know that's retarded and it's selfish. My parent's would be sad and my sister and her babies would be sad (at least she would be, heh.) I can't die when there's little babies around ,_,
I'm so fekking torn between things.. I just want someone to get me a job! 'Cause my efforts aren't doing shit!
I'm really. fekking. sad
* (I typed this all out + more in my personal details on my profile page)
