No friends, no love, no hope

[ZanderPS]

No friends. That's right, none. I am not joking or exaggerating in the least bit when I say this. People don't dare to be around me. All throughout middle and high school, everyone on campus has always put in their best effort to stay away from me. I've also never had a GF. All around me, I seem to be surrounded by nothing but romantic partners. Hugging, kissing, cuddling, looking at happy romantic couples kissing hurts my head. Back when I was 14, I began to get depression, and it only continues to get stronger the more I grow up and live alone. When I was 16 I began to get suicidal thoughts. I never had any plans or took action, but those ideas began to exist in my head. By the time I was 17, I actually tried, and I came pretty close a few times. but for some reason I stop right at the part where I make that final move to end it all. I <Mod Edit:Methods> but stopped right before I made the cut. I have no idea why this is. As of right now, I am living at college with my 3 roommates who do have full girlfriend relationships and plenty of friends, and they honestly aren't afraid to rub it in my face. I actually tried online dating and I found a few girls that seemed to be interested in me, but just earlier today, they both decided to change their mind about me. Right after we had plans to meet in person. I'm crushed and I was seriously considering putting an end to it today. I am seeing a therapist right now but I'm not sure how well she understands me. I need to meet new people in person, face to face. What I really need right now is to talk to someone one on one, someone who is going through a similar experience or understands what I am talking about. I really need someone to talk to.

 

[Petal]

Hi there @ZanderPS welcome to the forums, I am glad you chose to join and I hope this website will help you a lot.

At 18, you have so much and so many opportunities to get a girlfriend in time to come. Suicide is not the answer by any means and one day I hope you will look back upon this time in your life with different thinking. Meet new people wherever you can. There's nothing wrong with not having a girlfriend at the age of 18. Age doesn't come into it when it comes to these things.

I just hope you find the strength and courage to continue seeing your therapist, keep seeking professional help and see a doctor, anti depressants might help you a lot.

We're here for you in the meantime. You have so much to live for, I hope one day you see that and believe that.

Wishing you the best of luck.

 

[Walker]

Hiya Zander
You can't even imagine the number of guys rolling through here saying the same things as you, man. It's an every day thing here at SF so we get it. Thing is, you can't kill yourself over lack of romantic relationships - what does that solve? Makes it so no one will ever be able to get with you. Don't you think there are adults (adultier adults, you know what I mean) walking all around you every day that were exactly the same way as you when they were 18? Guys who didn't get laid til they were 30... women who didn't kiss someone until they were 25... (fill in the blank with anything here). They're everywhere and then they do, indeed, grow up and get into relationships, get married, have kids, etc. You're no different from them, right? You're just a guy trying to make your way in the world. There's nothing wrong or defective about you.
Welcome to the forum, Z. I hope you stick around and see what the place has to offer. See you round, take care.

 

[Freyja]

Hello
Nothing is wrong with you, you're definitely not alone in that case. People rubbing it in your face is terrible, I'm sorry your roommates are like that... Usually when someone is happy, they want to share that happiness and don't really care - or simply don't know - if the other person goes through a hard time regarding relationships. Don't let them affect you, they probably have their own other issues as well.
Keep trying, because it is never too late, and particularly not at 18... Most people don't meet their soulmates in high school, plenty of people have their first relationship during or even after college. Those are times when you change environment and it's easier to meet people. But it's never a bad time to meet people. I'll never stress this enough but finding love is difficult. Everyone will go through more disappointments in their life than happy functional relationships.
Apart from having a girlfriend, it's good to even have a friend. Be there for them, and they will be there for you. Things get easier when we surround ourselves with good understanding people (or even just one). Take care of yourself, sweetie. It is very important. It will get better then...
*love and hugs*

 

[Nighteyes1066]

Oh man, online dating is brutal, I have never failed to come away from my 'last try' at online dating feeling awful. I feel your pain about not having relationships. The best one I ever had actually happened by chance/accident outside of a dating site. Then you hear at work etc people complaining about how lazy or inconsiderate or unfaithful their partners are and you just sit there and think... 'but I could be your partner and not treat you like that, but I bet if I asked you then you'd barely speak to me'.