How do you deal with having no friends?

Aprilflowers7

Well-Known Member
#21
There was only one person in middle school that asked me over to her house. She asked me once and then didn't ask me after that. I was afraid if I'd ask her she'd say no or she'd make fun of me for some reason. Most children wouldn't know what open heart surgery is. This other girl I talked to on the bus, I told her I had open heart surgery and she said it was weird so I stopped talking to her after that. I'm tired of convincing normal people my surgery isn't weird. Millions of people have had it and I've met at least four who have had it but they don't really click with me. I'd like friends who want to ask me out places. I want friends who would invite me to parties. I've never been to a party. Ever since I was five most of my friends were books but then I realized all the girls in the books I read had friends.
 

cvb2377

Well-Known Member
#22
There was only one person in middle school that asked me over to her house. She asked me once and then didn't ask me after that. I was afraid if I'd ask her she'd say no or she'd make fun of me for some reason. Most children wouldn't know what open heart surgery is. This other girl I talked to on the bus, I told her I had open heart surgery and she said it was weird so I stopped talking to her after that. I'm tired of convincing normal people my surgery isn't weird. Millions of people have had it and I've met at least four who have had it but they don't really click with me. I'd like friends who want to ask me out places. I want friends who would invite me to parties. I've never been to a party. Ever since I was five most of my friends were books but then I realized all the girls in the books I read had friends.
I love reading and I totally felt what you say about all the characters in the books you read have friends. It makes me feel even more odd looking at tv and reading books and they make it seem like a friend will just drop out of the sky. I know someone can actually just come along but where’s mine? And it does suck feeling like you have to convince someone your “normal”. I haven’t had surgery but my experience is trying to convince someone what I like isn’t weird or lame. I also want friends who want to invite me places too. I want to be friends with someone who wants me around just as much as I want them around.
 
#23
I guess I ask the same question. I had some colleagues with which I used to hang out sometimes, but to be honest I don't see them as friends, I mean real friends.
 

HumanExMachina

Swills Soup
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#24
For me, a friend is just another person that I can let down, disappoint. They always expect so much more from me. I always let them down.

edit: I let them down because I'm not who and what they think I am, not because I'm not a good friend. I'd always be the best friend they'd ever have, but they don't give themselves a chance to ever know it. I don't click enough boxes for most normal humans.
 
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theedda

Well-Known Member
#26
I know exactly what you mean by finding and being excepting of friends who are necessarily nerdy because trust me I’ve tried it. My social skills are good enough to where I can get to know people but either it ends in an acquaintance type relationship where we are friendly towards each other and can talk decent enough but we never “click” or they find me to different from them and it ends there. I understand that you can be introduced into things and introduce others into what you like because I’ve also tried that. They either have interests that don’t appeal to me, I have interests that don’t appeal to them or we do share interests then they just are not as into it as I am. During my school days I’ve had so many acquaintances and only 2 best friends from middle school who I’ve sadly grown apart from. I guess I want to meet someone open minded like me who is always on the look out for new hobbies and things to do. Most people I meet are closed off and are too routine in what they like and never deviate, which is fine but I meet to many people who fit into that description. Actually I think it’d be cool to meet someone with different interests as me so long as it’s some beyond the norm, at least it’d be a change up.
I can understand that. I used to be much the same way, and honestly, I wish I could tell you what changed about that allowed me to move friendships beyond just the "casual acquaintance" stage, but, frankly... I have no fucking clue. Hell, maybe nothing changed and I just got lucky, I wouldn't know since I'm not even meeting any new people anywhere as of now.

I guess a few things I can say is firstly, familiarity and just spending time with someone can lead to friendships. I became reasonably good friends with the dozen or so people around my building last year I saw regularly. Some, almost immediately, some, not until halfway through the second semester. I also remember that it was usually one good conversation that cemented the change from distant acquaintance to someone you actually enjoy talking to. Secondly... I hope this doesn't sound rude in any way, but just being real, perhaps learning to make friends with people you don't necessarily immediately wanna be besties with is a skill you should develop? I mean, knowing how to click with people and get them to like you is an invaluable skill, and, let's face it, when you're trying to impress an employer at a job interview, networking, trying to start your own business or whatever else along those lines, well, your knowledge of pop culture and comic books ain't usually gonna do you much good.

And as a final little point, truth is, not every friend is gonna be the type of person who you'll tell your deepest, darkest secrets to, and who'll completely change your life. Some friends are just people you occasionally share a coffee or a smoke with, some who you just joke around with, etc. As an introvert, I used to really only want one or two close friends, but honestly, I've learned that every friend, even every acquaintance you meet is valuable. So, maybe you won't find your "friend-soulmate" right around the corner, but, hey, sometimes just talking to people is nice. I've gone weeks or even months without that at times, and maybe you have as well. Sometimes friends come in unlikely forms and places.
 

cvb2377

Well-Known Member
#27
I can understand that. I used to be much the same way, and honestly, I wish I could tell you what changed about that allowed me to move friendships beyond just the "casual acquaintance" stage, but, frankly... I have no fucking clue. Hell, maybe nothing changed and I just got lucky, I wouldn't know since I'm not even meeting any new people anywhere as of now.

I guess a few things I can say is firstly, familiarity and just spending time with someone can lead to friendships. I became reasonably good friends with the dozen or so people around my building last year I saw regularly. Some, almost immediately, some, not until halfway through the second semester. I also remember that it was usually one good conversation that cemented the change from distant acquaintance to someone you actually enjoy talking to. Secondly... I hope this doesn't sound rude in any way, but just being real, perhaps learning to make friends with people you don't necessarily immediately wanna be besties with is a skill you should develop? I mean, knowing how to click with people and get them to like you is an invaluable skill, and, let's face it, when you're trying to impress an employer at a job interview, networking, trying to start your own business or whatever else along those lines, well, your knowledge of pop culture and comic books ain't usually gonna do you much good.

And as a final little point, truth is, not every friend is gonna be the type of person who you'll tell your deepest, darkest secrets to, and who'll completely change your life. Some friends are just people you occasionally share a coffee or a smoke with, some who you just joke around with, etc. As an introvert, I used to really only want one or two close friends, but honestly, I've learned that every friend, even every acquaintance you meet is valuable. So, maybe you won't find your "friend-soulmate" right around the corner, but, hey, sometimes just talking to people is nice. I've gone weeks or even months without that at times, and maybe you have as well. Sometimes friends come in unlikely forms and places.
Yeah at this point finding anyone to talk to would be a huge change in what I have now and we don’t have to share to have everything in common to get along just as long as I can talk to someone but is it wrong to want a best friend? Also for me if I can’t lock down a decent friendship with a person then as soon as we don’t have a valid reason to talk then it fizzles out and then I’m left back at square one. It’s like when I was in college I had cool people to talk to but as soon as the class finished then it was over. I just want to be close to someone who wants me around and I feel like having a lot of similarities makes it easier to talk and like one another.
 

theedda

Well-Known Member
#28
Yeah at this point finding anyone to talk to would be a huge change in what I have now and we don’t have to share to have everything in common to get along just as long as I can talk to someone but is it wrong to want a best friend? Also for me if I can’t lock down a decent friendship with a person then as soon as we don’t have a valid reason to talk then it fizzles out and then I’m left back at square one. It’s like when I was in college I had cool people to talk to but as soon as the class finished then it was over. I just want to be close to someone who wants me around and I feel like having a lot of similarities makes it easier to talk and like one another.
No, it's not wrong. I hope you can find what you are looking for soon
 
#32
After a while without friends, I just got used to it.
I convinced myself that they'll just waste my time.. it's better to have no friends and have plenty of time for yourself than having a lot of friends who make you forget who you really are.
Idk if age really matters, I mean that I can live without friends at my age.. but idk how it works for ppl older than me.
 
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#33
I got back from a 3 day comic con yesterday and it dawned on my how most of my fellow nerds there had friends and significant others. Basically all I have is my cousin and mother and those don’t count as friends in my opinion. It just sucks coming home and realizing how very alone I really am. Especially since I can’t drive or work (because of my mental health) so I’m basically I’m in my room most of the time. Anxiety makes it hard to leave the house unless I’m with someone I really trust so it makes me fearful to explore alone or take public transportation alone. Pretty much blocks out any chance to meet people. I really want to go to this comic con that’s a couple cities away but being afraid and clueless on how to be on my own, travel alone or how to book hotel reservations I can’t go unless someone else wants to. I guess I get afraid and I rely on others too much. Sometimes in my life I have met people who are nice and all but we don’t share enough in common to validate conversation unless necessary or I’m probably super shy and I drive them away. I want a friend who wants to hang out with me just as much as I want to hang out with them. That we obtain happiness from each other and always keep in touch and seek each other’s companionship. Being nerdy makes it hard because that can drive people away or In my case you can’t find people who are into that kinda stuff as much as I am
I can relate to you my friend. Not many friends, things that interest me are looking at classical music sheet music. No one else in the world wants to do that shit.
 

cvb2377

Well-Known Member
#34
After a while without friends, I just got used to it.
I convinced myself that they'll just waste my time.. it's better to have no friends and have plenty of time for yourself than having a lot of friends who make you forget who you really are.
Idk if age really matters, I mean that I can live without friends at my age.. but idk how it works for ppl older than me.
I’m at the point where it doesn’t bother me anymore also. Since I’ve never really had friends to begin with i guess it’s easier to get used to.
 

HumanExMachina

Swills Soup
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#35
For me, a friend is just another person that I can let down, disappoint. They always expect so much more from me. I always let them down.

edit: I let them down because I'm not who and what they think I am, not because I'm not a good friend. I'd always be the best friend they'd ever have, but they don't give themselves a chance to ever know it. I don't click enough boxes for most normal humans.
I'm really glad you stopped drinking so much. It wasn't helping.
 

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