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How do you deal with having no friends?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by cvb2377, Nov 6, 2017.

  1. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    There was only one person in middle school that asked me over to her house. She asked me once and then didn't ask me after that. I was afraid if I'd ask her she'd say no or she'd make fun of me for some reason. Most children wouldn't know what open heart surgery is. This other girl I talked to on the bus, I told her I had open heart surgery and she said it was weird so I stopped talking to her after that. I'm tired of convincing normal people my surgery isn't weird. Millions of people have had it and I've met at least four who have had it but they don't really click with me. I'd like friends who want to ask me out places. I want friends who would invite me to parties. I've never been to a party. Ever since I was five most of my friends were books but then I realized all the girls in the books I read had friends.
  2. cvb2377

    cvb2377 Well-Known Member

    I love reading and I totally felt what you say about all the characters in the books you read have friends. It makes me feel even more odd looking at tv and reading books and they make it seem like a friend will just drop out of the sky. I know someone can actually just come along but where’s mine? And it does suck feeling like you have to convince someone your “normal”. I haven’t had surgery but my experience is trying to convince someone what I like isn’t weird or lame. I also want friends who want to invite me places too. I want to be friends with someone who wants me around just as much as I want them around.
  3. Steven2311

    Steven2311 Member

    I guess I ask the same question. I had some colleagues with which I used to hang out sometimes, but to be honest I don't see them as friends, I mean real friends.
  4. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    For me, a friend is just another person that I can let down, disappoint. They always expect so much more from me. I always let them down.

    edit: I let them down because I'm not who and what they think I am, not because I'm not a good friend. I'd always be the best friend they'd ever have, but they don't give themselves a chance to ever know it. I don't click enough boxes for most normal humans.
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2018
  5. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    One of the series I read was "The Baby-Sitter's Club" or "Nancy Drew." They were always really pretty, too. I don't really look like that.
  6. theedda

    theedda Well-Known Member

    I can understand that. I used to be much the same way, and honestly, I wish I could tell you what changed about that allowed me to move friendships beyond just the "casual acquaintance" stage, but, frankly... I have no fucking clue. Hell, maybe nothing changed and I just got lucky, I wouldn't know since I'm not even meeting any new people anywhere as of now.

    I guess a few things I can say is firstly, familiarity and just spending time with someone can lead to friendships. I became reasonably good friends with the dozen or so people around my building last year I saw regularly. Some, almost immediately, some, not until halfway through the second semester. I also remember that it was usually one good conversation that cemented the change from distant acquaintance to someone you actually enjoy talking to. Secondly... I hope this doesn't sound rude in any way, but just being real, perhaps learning to make friends with people you don't necessarily immediately wanna be besties with is a skill you should develop? I mean, knowing how to click with people and get them to like you is an invaluable skill, and, let's face it, when you're trying to impress an employer at a job interview, networking, trying to start your own business or whatever else along those lines, well, your knowledge of pop culture and comic books ain't usually gonna do you much good.

    And as a final little point, truth is, not every friend is gonna be the type of person who you'll tell your deepest, darkest secrets to, and who'll completely change your life. Some friends are just people you occasionally share a coffee or a smoke with, some who you just joke around with, etc. As an introvert, I used to really only want one or two close friends, but honestly, I've learned that every friend, even every acquaintance you meet is valuable. So, maybe you won't find your "friend-soulmate" right around the corner, but, hey, sometimes just talking to people is nice. I've gone weeks or even months without that at times, and maybe you have as well. Sometimes friends come in unlikely forms and places.
  7. cvb2377

    cvb2377 Well-Known Member

    Yeah at this point finding anyone to talk to would be a huge change in what I have now and we don’t have to share to have everything in common to get along just as long as I can talk to someone but is it wrong to want a best friend? Also for me if I can’t lock down a decent friendship with a person then as soon as we don’t have a valid reason to talk then it fizzles out and then I’m left back at square one. It’s like when I was in college I had cool people to talk to but as soon as the class finished then it was over. I just want to be close to someone who wants me around and I feel like having a lot of similarities makes it easier to talk and like one another.
  8. theedda

    theedda Well-Known Member

    No, it's not wrong. I hope you can find what you are looking for soon
  9. Heavens Heart

    Heavens Heart Well-Known Member

    I know hits so difficult I am bit the same
    Hugs love and allthats light to you
  10. Mandar

    Mandar Well-Known Member

    SF is my friend.
  11. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    Why do people see these two traits as negatives? I would rather hang out with a "shy and reserved" person than an extroverted loudmouth any day!
  12. Jaddeeh

    Jaddeeh Member

    After a while without friends, I just got used to it.
    I convinced myself that they'll just waste my time.. it's better to have no friends and have plenty of time for yourself than having a lot of friends who make you forget who you really are.
    Idk if age really matters, I mean that I can live without friends at my age.. but idk how it works for ppl older than me.
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2018
    CGMAngel likes this.
  13. Beethoven Opus 127

    Beethoven Opus 127 Well-Known Member

    I can relate to you my friend. Not many friends, things that interest me are looking at classical music sheet music. No one else in the world wants to do that shit.
  14. cvb2377

    cvb2377 Well-Known Member

    I’m at the point where it doesn’t bother me anymore also. Since I’ve never really had friends to begin with i guess it’s easier to get used to.
    Beethoven Opus 127 and Jaddeeh like this.
  15. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    I'm really glad you stopped drinking so much. It wasn't helping.