suicidal thoughts

So yesterday I went to a peer support group for the second time. I really enjoyed it. We did topics again. So everyone wrote a topic down and put it in a basket and then we talked about them. It is like SF except IRL. So if anyone is considering going to one go give it a try.

The thoughts are there. That I am worthless and bad. Wishing I could just put an end to this.

I really just want to give up yet at the same time part of me doesn't. I find myself visualizing various methods, but with no intentions since I don't have the stuff needed for them.

I cannot stand the little girl in me telling me it was my fault. I just cannot live with the guilt of being responsible.

Just thinking about going home has increased my suicidal ideations and is making me want to self harm. Yet I still sort of want to go home. I know that I need to do what is best for me but at the moment it seems like I wont. I do not really know why, is this all due to self destruction.

I cannot deal with stuff. I don't want things to be true, yet I know they are. I can't stand being here while knowing that stuff happened.

Why do they keep coming back. I do not want to remember more. I hate the sensation of wanting to flee yet being frozen at the same time. They are making me anxious and making me want to self harm.

I want the pain to stop. It hurts so much. I want the memories to stop. I don't want to keep remembering the insults said at me and being scared as a little girl. I don't want to remember being threatened and being scared she might kill me. I don't want to remember being in the park and...

Is it okay to wanting to sleep forever? Is it selfish? Is it okay to leave everything in this life just like this? Is it okay to left my parents and siblings like this? Will my family and my best friends disappointed and sad when they find me asleep later? I kept asking myself that whenever i...

It's so ironic when someone who picked you up from misery, ended up breaking you. That's why i hate living. It's all about being picked up and destroyed by others. And feelings, i hate them. I don't want to feel a thing. I wonder how's it like to be numb from everything. I barely know what...

So I told my mom that I had been feeling anxious this past year and had talked to a doctor. Then I told her that I went to a school counsellor and that memories started coming back. I told her that I think a man touched me when I was like maybe 3-4. So what does she tell me, well all students...

Had a sort of breakdown in class today. No one could tell and I was very discreet about how I was feeling, smiling and talking and laughing like normal, but I don't feel normal at all. I know some of my closer friends can definitely see what's going on but I don't feel comfortable enough to...

I'm in a bad position with college, my financial aid keeps getting smaller and smaller as i go through the quarters, fact i barely got anything this quarter, not enough to live off of, can't even pay my bills. Car has been broken down for 3 months so getting a job is extremely difficult seeing...